{"title":"In the Beginning… There Was IKEA","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis series serves as both liturgy and lamentation: a pseudo-sacred archive of late capitalist consciousness, whispered through the fluorescent glow of an IKEA showroom. Drawing from the viral sermons of Scott Seiss, patron saint of passive aggression in polyester vests, these portraits canonize the soul’s quiet disintegration inside a corporate maze of SKÅRGNÄ, MEATBALLS, and unearned cheerfulness. Each expression, each captioned phrase, is an invocation; a brutal hymn for the performative laborer. This is postmodern martyrdom with a laminated smile. This is apocalyptic humor from Aisle 7B. This is Fauxpamine.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"smile-fatigue-in-fluorescent-hell-tote-bag","title":"Smile Fatigue in Fluorescent Hell -Tote Bag","description":"A face mid-collapse, frozen in retail-induced delirium. Behind the strained grin: the hushed shriek of collective burnout. The typography floats like corporate optimism, while the eyes tell a deeper truth — that joy, when mandated, becomes a weapon. This is the IKEA confessional, and the penance is minimum wage.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSay goodbye to plastic, and bag your goodies in this organic cotton tote bag. There’s more than enough room for groceries, books, and anything in between.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% certified organic cotton 3\/1 twill\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 8 oz\/yd² (272 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Dimensions: 16″ × 14 ½″ × 5″ (40.6 cm × 35.6 cm × 12.7 cm)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Weight limit: 30 lbs (13.6 kg)\u003cbr\u003e\n• 1″ (2.5 cm) wide dual straps, 24.5″ (62.2 cm) length\u003cbr\u003e\n• Open main compartment\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from India","brand":"Fauxpamine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47236287627503,"sku":"7888132_10457","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/eco-tote-bag-black-front-692816fb04461.jpg?v=1764235022"},{"product_id":"the-erosion-of-authenticity-under-fluorescent-lighting-tote-bag","title":"The Erosion of Authenticity Under Fluorescent Lighting - Tote Bag","description":"Beneath the pastel haze and painterly distortion lies a tragedy: the erasure of self through performative repetition. This piece isn’t just about labor. It’s about the cost of emotional mimicry. Each chuckle sacrificed at the altar of “team spirit.” Laughter becomes a ghost of itself. And still, the shift isn’t over.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSay goodbye to plastic, and bag your goodies in this organic cotton tote bag. There’s more than enough room for groceries, books, and anything in between.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% certified organic cotton 3\/1 twill\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 8 oz\/yd² (272 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Dimensions: 16″ × 14 ½″ × 5″ (40.6 cm × 35.6 cm × 12.7 cm)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Weight limit: 30 lbs (13.6 kg)\u003cbr\u003e\n• 1″ (2.5 cm) wide dual straps, 24.5″ (62.2 cm) length\u003cbr\u003e\n• Open main compartment\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from India","brand":"Fauxpamine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47236288053487,"sku":"1903813_10457","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/eco-tote-bag-black-front-6928172966e93.jpg?v=1764235102"},{"product_id":"mutual-loathing-unequally-paid-tote-bag","title":"Mutual Loathing, Unequally Paid - Tote Bag","description":"A power dynamic inverted through sheer disdain. The palette is warped, the face angular, as if the building itself were melting under the weight of its own existential irony. In this image, resentment becomes radiant. This isn’t customer service; this is war poetry from the breakroom.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSay goodbye to plastic, and bag your goodies in this organic cotton tote bag. There’s more than enough room for groceries, books, and anything in between.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% certified organic cotton 3\/1 twill\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 8 oz\/yd² (272 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Dimensions: 16″ × 14 ½″ × 5″ (40.6 cm × 35.6 cm × 12.7 cm)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Weight limit: 30 lbs (13.6 kg)\u003cbr\u003e\n• 1″ (2.5 cm) wide dual straps, 24.5″ (62.2 cm) length\u003cbr\u003e\n• Open main compartment\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from India","brand":"Fauxpamine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47236289691887,"sku":"6996305_10457","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/eco-tote-bag-black-front-6928176f89ec2.jpg?v=1764235148"},{"product_id":"self-actualization-via-return-policy-tote-bag","title":"Self-Actualization Via Return Policy - Tote Bag","description":"Consumerism is a mirror. In this reflective confrontation, spiritual clarity emerges not through yoga or mushrooms, but through a pointed jab at poor impulse control. The phrase floats like a mantra for the lost: not a suggestion, but a diagnosis. May the next cart be wiser.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSay goodbye to plastic, and bag your goodies in this organic cotton tote bag. There’s more than enough room for groceries, books, and anything in between.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% certified organic cotton 3\/1 twill\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 8 oz\/yd² (272 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Dimensions: 16″ × 14 ½″ × 5″ (40.6 cm × 35.6 cm × 12.7 cm)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Weight limit: 30 lbs (13.6 kg)\u003cbr\u003e\n• 1″ (2.5 cm) wide dual straps, 24.5″ (62.2 cm) length\u003cbr\u003e\n• Open main compartment\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from India","brand":"Fauxpamine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47236289921263,"sku":"4758145_10457","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/eco-tote-bag-black-front-692817a86278a.jpg?v=1764235196"},{"product_id":"genealogical-accountability-in-aisle-14-tote-bag","title":"Genealogical Accountability in Aisle 14 - Tote Bag","description":"This is not a roast. It is a reckoning. Rendered in fragile fractal lines like cheap wood veneer, the subject invokes ancestral shame as a last line of defense. A quiet, venomous condemnation disguised as customer service, featuring the retail worker as a reluctant oracle, tracing entitlement back to its roots.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSay goodbye to plastic, and bag your goodies in this organic cotton tote bag. There’s more than enough room for groceries, books, and anything in between.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% certified organic cotton 3\/1 twill\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 8 oz\/yd² (272 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Dimensions: 16″ × 14 ½″ × 5″ (40.6 cm × 35.6 cm × 12.7 cm)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Weight limit: 30 lbs (13.6 kg)\u003cbr\u003e\n• 1″ (2.5 cm) wide dual straps, 24.5″ (62.2 cm) length\u003cbr\u003e\n• Open main compartment\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from India","brand":"Fauxpamine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47236290150639,"sku":"6463374_10457","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/eco-tote-bag-black-front-692817e36a470.jpg?v=1764235253"},{"product_id":"mood-shift-at-the-entrance-mat-tote-bag","title":"Mood Shift at the Entrance Mat - Tote Bag","description":"Dripping like condensation on the inside of a breakroom fridge, this work captures the sudden erosion of inner peace upon contact with the customer archetype. The bolded \"YOU\" points a damning finger outward, while the rest of the sentence slumps inward. Time dilates. Patience curdles. Enlightenment retreats.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSay goodbye to plastic, and bag your goodies in this organic cotton tote bag. There’s more than enough room for groceries, books, and anything in between.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% certified organic cotton 3\/1 twill\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 8 oz\/yd² (272 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Dimensions: 16″ × 14 ½″ × 5″ (40.6 cm × 35.6 cm × 12.7 cm)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Weight limit: 30 lbs (13.6 kg)\u003cbr\u003e\n• 1″ (2.5 cm) wide dual straps, 24.5″ (62.2 cm) length\u003cbr\u003e\n• Open main compartment\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from India","brand":"Fauxpamine","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47236290380015,"sku":"3991887_10457","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/eco-tote-bag-black-front-6928181355947.jpg?v=1764235303"},{"product_id":"smile-fatigue-in-fluorescent-hell-sticker","title":"Smile Fatigue in Fluorescent Hell - Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eA face mid-collapse, frozen in retail-induced delirium. Behind the strained grin: the hushed shriek of collective burnout. The typography floats like corporate optimism, while the eyes tell a deeper truth — that joy, when mandated, becomes a weapon. This is the IKEA confessional, and the penance is minimum wage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Glossy, scratch-resistant paper finish for vivid color and smooth touch\u003cbr\u003e- Durable 100% vinyl with permanent acrylic adhesive for long-lasting hold on flat surfaces\u003cbr\u003e- Eco-solvent inks produce bright, fade-resistant colors\u003cbr\u003e- Available in white or transparent options and four sizes; kiss-cut for easy peel\u003cbr\u003e- Quick, bubble-free application (not waterproof); adult-only product\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Use a soft, clean and dry cloth to gently brush any dust or dirt off from the center of the sticker outwards.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":47236291494127,"sku":"15222528685838385645","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":47236291526895,"sku":"16835519220027752590","price":5.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6\" × 6\" \/ White","offer_id":47236291559663,"sku":"12456905939780434062","price":6.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/16196372811147405571_1200.jpg?v=1764235350"},{"product_id":"the-erosion-of-authenticity-under-fluorescent-lighting-sticker","title":"The Erosion of Authenticity Under Fluorescent Lighting - Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eBeneath the pastel haze and painterly distortion lies a tragedy: the erasure of self through performative repetition. This piece isn’t just about labor. It’s about the cost of emotional mimicry. Each chuckle sacrificed at the altar of “team spirit.” Laughter becomes a ghost of itself. And still, the shift isn’t over.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Glossy, scratch-resistant paper finish for vivid color and smooth touch\u003cbr\u003e- Durable 100% vinyl with permanent acrylic adhesive for long-lasting hold on flat surfaces\u003cbr\u003e- Eco-solvent inks produce bright, fade-resistant colors\u003cbr\u003e- Available in white or transparent options and four sizes; kiss-cut for easy peel\u003cbr\u003e- Quick, bubble-free application (not waterproof); adult-only product\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Use a soft, clean and dry cloth to gently brush any dust or dirt off from the center of the sticker outwards.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":47236296409327,"sku":"10210283126049939376","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":47236296442095,"sku":"32283992362360989726","price":5.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6\" × 6\" \/ White","offer_id":47236296474863,"sku":"32013332191724617180","price":6.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/17227165275850409234_1200.jpg?v=1764235595"},{"product_id":"mutual-loathing-unequally-paid-sticker","title":"Mutual Loathing, Unequally Paid - Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eA power dynamic inverted through sheer disdain. The palette is warped, the face angular, as if the building itself were melting under the weight of its own existential irony. In this image, resentment becomes radiant. This isn’t customer service; this is war poetry from the breakroom.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Glossy, scratch-resistant paper finish for vivid color and smooth touch\u003cbr\u003e- Durable 100% vinyl with permanent acrylic adhesive for long-lasting hold on flat surfaces\u003cbr\u003e- Eco-solvent inks produce bright, fade-resistant colors\u003cbr\u003e- Available in white or transparent options and four sizes; kiss-cut for easy peel\u003cbr\u003e- Quick, bubble-free application (not waterproof); adult-only product\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Use a soft, clean and dry cloth to gently brush any dust or dirt off from the center of the sticker outwards.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":47236298113263,"sku":"10336146652425834569","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":47236298146031,"sku":"14894499035789001292","price":5.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6\" × 6\" \/ White","offer_id":47236298178799,"sku":"26904738574482404799","price":6.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/9115161553502414372_1200.jpg?v=1764235631"},{"product_id":"self-actualization-via-return-policy-sticker","title":"Self-Actualization Via Return Policy - Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eConsumerism is a mirror. In this reflective confrontation, spiritual clarity emerges not through yoga or mushrooms, but through a pointed jab at poor impulse control. The phrase floats like a mantra for the lost: not a suggestion, but a diagnosis. May the next cart be wiser.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Glossy, scratch-resistant paper finish for vivid color and smooth touch\u003cbr\u003e- Durable 100% vinyl with permanent acrylic adhesive for long-lasting hold on flat surfaces\u003cbr\u003e- Eco-solvent inks produce bright, fade-resistant colors\u003cbr\u003e- Available in white or transparent options and four sizes; kiss-cut for easy peel\u003cbr\u003e- Quick, bubble-free application (not waterproof); adult-only product\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Use a soft, clean and dry cloth to gently brush any dust or dirt off from the center of the sticker outwards.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":47236298342639,"sku":"18043630313748575449","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":47236298375407,"sku":"30555404891766422428","price":5.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6\" × 6\" \/ White","offer_id":47236298408175,"sku":"17454270752149511007","price":6.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/4588043367561920003_1200.jpg?v=1764235657"},{"product_id":"genealogical-accountability-in-aisle-14-sticker","title":"Genealogical Accountability in Aisle 14 - Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis is not a roast. It is a reckoning. Rendered in fragile fractal lines like cheap wood veneer, the subject invokes ancestral shame as a last line of defense. A quiet, venomous condemnation disguised as customer service, featuring the retail worker as a reluctant oracle, tracing entitlement back to its roots.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Glossy, scratch-resistant paper finish for vivid color and smooth touch\u003cbr\u003e- Durable 100% vinyl with permanent acrylic adhesive for long-lasting hold on flat surfaces\u003cbr\u003e- Eco-solvent inks produce bright, fade-resistant colors\u003cbr\u003e- Available in white or transparent options and four sizes; kiss-cut for easy peel\u003cbr\u003e- Quick, bubble-free application (not waterproof); adult-only product\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Use a soft, clean and dry cloth to gently brush any dust or dirt off from the center of the sticker outwards.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":47236514906351,"sku":"23271496899474051904","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":47236514939119,"sku":"76790723301175320333","price":5.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6\" × 6\" \/ White","offer_id":47236514971887,"sku":"33134321218612446374","price":6.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/13951877382885156515_1200.jpg?v=1764236016"},{"product_id":"mood-shift-at-the-entrance-mat-sticker","title":"Mood Shift at the Entrance Mat - Sticker","description":"\u003cp\u003eDripping like condensation on the inside of a breakroom fridge, this work captures the sudden erosion of inner peace upon contact with the customer archetype. The bolded \"YOU\" points a damning finger outward, while the rest of the sentence slumps inward. Time dilates. Patience curdles. Enlightenment retreats.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003cbr\u003e- Glossy, scratch-resistant paper finish for vivid color and smooth touch\u003cbr\u003e- Durable 100% vinyl with permanent acrylic adhesive for long-lasting hold on flat surfaces\u003cbr\u003e- Eco-solvent inks produce bright, fade-resistant colors\u003cbr\u003e- Available in white or transparent options and four sizes; kiss-cut for easy peel\u003cbr\u003e- Quick, bubble-free application (not waterproof); adult-only product\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCare instructions\u003cbr\u003e- Use a soft, clean and dry cloth to gently brush any dust or dirt off from the center of the sticker outwards.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3\" × 3\" \/ White","offer_id":47236515037423,"sku":"30153807575402332960","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4\" × 4\" \/ White","offer_id":47236515070191,"sku":"10134140758254155828","price":5.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6\" × 6\" \/ White","offer_id":47236515102959,"sku":"23763686005232829849","price":6.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0765\/8818\/7887\/files\/15894796638828803409_1200.jpg?v=1764236043"}],"url":"https:\/\/shop.fauxpamine.com\/collections\/in-the-beginning-there-was-ikea.oembed?page=2","provider":"Fauxpamine","version":"1.0","type":"link"}